Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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