Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
