If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
