what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
