So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
