And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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