I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
