it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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