that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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