Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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