I wish I could punch you in the face.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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