porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
