I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
