It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
