is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
