I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
