the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
