get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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