Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
