So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
