HIV tests are more positive than that guy
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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