Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
