This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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