did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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