she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
