I hope mine doesn't look like that
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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