At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
