better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
