now i know why i became what i already was.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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