ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
