just come out here and I will go home with you...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
