just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
