You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
