You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
