Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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