i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
