Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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