I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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