Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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