thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
