Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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