i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
