am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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