I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We got so high we made milksteak
I forgot how hot balto sounded
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
