can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
