just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
