Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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