how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
