YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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