Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
