i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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