Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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